Why do we judge people?
Everyone does it. Think about the last time you passed judgment on somebody. It probably wasn't too long ago; maybe even earlier today. It can become so habitual that sometimes we forget we are doing it. Passing judgment becomes a way in which we make sense of our own world. By making a judgment about someone, whether positive or negative, we are essentially making an evaluation about someone based on our own collective experience including preconceived notions, assumptions, and perceptions which fit neatly into our own view of the world. For instance, by labeling a person as "inconsiderate" or "uncaring" after one interaction with them, we are able to file that piece of information away in our brain. The next time we see that person, we are then able to quickly recall that judgment which will allow us to understand and react to that person through our own personal lens. Since we have already made one judgment, we will naturally want to reinforce that in the next meeting and look for ways to ensure that they continue to fit into our picture of them. Our judgments about people become our periscope to the world. In this example above, maybe you will be more removed, less caring or considerate yourself towards that person the next time you see them because you feel they have treated you or a loved one in an inconsiderate way. In this way, judgment promotes a cycle of anger and sadness, not one of love and compassion towards others.
So why is judging people unhealthy?
Judgments are often based on our own personal experience, but the practice of judging someone becomes an even more slippery slope when we pass judgment on people we don't even know, or base our judgments on second hand information or gossip from other people. When navigating this river, our judgments are very likely to be inaccurate or just plain wrong. Ultimately, as I mentioned above, judging someone can promote a cycle of anger rather than loving and compassionate thoughts towards others. if we can all stop passing judgments, and come from a place of allowing, love and acceptance, imagine how much less anger there would be in the world.
“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” - Paul Coehlo
Judgment Day
Judging people is easy, but being judged can be a painful and angering experience. I recently had several people pass judgment on me and my relationship with another person and it was initially upsetting. I wanted to lash out and tell those people "You don't know me, you have no idea". But as I sat with the anger and feelings, I realized that reacting to the situation like this would not solve anything, just perpetuate the cycle of anger. I decided to choose a different reaction - one of love, compassion and acceptance to those who had judged me. If I wanted love and compassion in my life, then I knew the only way to get it was to show it and give it to others.
My pledge
So my learning lesson in all of this was to make a pledge to myself to 1) Try not to pass judgment on people, engage in gossip, and validate other peoples harmful and negative judgments about others and 2) to share my loving and compassionate self with everyone around me, even (especially) those who have chosen to judge me.
I hope that through my pledge, I can do my part to break the cycle of negative judgment which might occur around me, and inspire others to follow my lead and do the same.
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them". - Mother Theresa
